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Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Jobs That I Don't Have

So, I've not made it any kind of secret that I'm unemployed.
But now it's getting sad. I'm actually LOOKING, Internet, like, REALLY TRYING HERE.

And nothing is working.

Of course, it doesn't help that I am socially awkward and am applying to everything online. I even got an interview! I looked pretty fly, showing only a TASTEFUL amount of cleavage, which I deemed appropriate for the setting and the job.

I was all professional.

And the woman interviewing me said she liked me. Said I was a GOOD CANDIDATE. I mean, this place was a "spa". As in "massage", as in, and I quote "Some women may choose to do the massage... topless." Now, I was going for reception, not man-touching, and I was assured that it was reception throughout the interview. I made myself clear about my reservations when it comes to man-touching.

I didn't get a call back, or a text, or a message in a bottle.

Maybe it's because I forgot my own address? Maybe it's because I don't want to touch men? Could be. Could be...


I've applied to... well everything. I'm too socially awkward to go in and hand my resume to anyone because I just don't like bothering people. Besides, Internet got me an interview. I mean, that's pretty good so far, right? Riiight?
Oh, please, let me be right.

So, I recently applied to an "adult store" (I'm just batting a thousand with the sexy stuff, ain't I?), and I end up getting... well, not a job, but meeting a cool, almost TOO open woman. She's sweet, but asks the strangest things. And this isn't the job I need.

Now, I'm getting to this stage in my unemployment:

Basically, I hate everything and my life is awful.

My job search has led me here. I shit you not, this is verbatim:

"As a Gift Basket Specialist, your primary function will be to execute a store-driven gift basket program. Responsibilities: Execute gift basket program."


I suppose not EVERYTHING is completely awful, becaussssee... (imagine a drumroll in this spot)


I mentioned my need for this in my Lonely post. My picture looks better than the one that I predicted, even though I am a little deer-caught-in-headlights-ish. This means, that I won't be COMPLETELY broke, and can buy cups from the dollar store.

We have a serious shortage of cups.

But I digress. I still need a job, at the VERY least by April, to supplement this OSAP income. Actually, I need a job by April because if I don't the money will be all gone by then.

I'm getting $5446.

After taking out savings for events and things I owe my mom, I have $4000, for 8 months.

Because of my superior mathing abilities, I put together a budget.

And I have determined that I'll only have $235 for leeway in four months on this amount of money, which is just no good.
Luckily, I made sure to include a $5 daily for my lattes.

I need them.

So, I need a job, Internet. This is not news. GETTING a job, however, will be mundo difficult. I have no "real" experience, but I'm trying to pretend I do. I mean, I have a bit, but it's nothing that I think anyone should really care about. I really don't think my experience will get me a job. To be honest, my resume should be burned. I should just go in and DEMAND an interview, because my resume sucks so hard.

So, there's a little updated on my finances and lack there of. I wish I had money.

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